Letter-Writing Week

Hello again. Time flies. This week was busy at work, and Thursday was Girl Scout night (cookie sales coming up). I felt good because I had pretty well stuck to the healthier eating plan, even if the scale wasn't reporting anything--yet.

Then I got a new digital scale on Saturday and weighed in.

Discouragement! I weighed the same that I weighed when I went to the doctor a few weeks ago. Very upsetting.

So this morning I weighed, and the scale said I lost about 3lbs. That's what I felt like I lost. So yay!

One of my loseit.com friends suggested that I weigh at the same time when I do weigh in so that the fluctuations don't make me crazy.  Excellent idea!

The second week of January is National Letter Writing Week. So far, I mailed off two cards for relatives. Letter-writing is one of my resolutions. I was going to write last week, but never quite got going.

When I was a teenager, I wrote quite a bit to my grandma and friends, but I fell away from that as I got older. Then phone calls got cheap, and it was just easier to call people.

But there's nothing quite like the feeling of getting a letter or card in the mail. You open the mailbox and see something other than bills, and you feel a little excited that someone cared enough to send a personal note or card. You don't dread getting mail so much, since a letter might be in there.

So write your friends or family a letter. You never know how it might brighten someone's day. :)

More talking about food and stuff

Image via Wikipedia

Today I had to run to the big grocery store and get a few items for supper (pizza; not good for my goal of healthy eating), and fell in love with the organic aisle.

I love granola and found a package by Bob's Red Mill that I can snack on or add to my breakfast yogurt. In addition, I found some flax seed, which I've been reading aabout. I steered clear of the organic potato chips, however. :)

In the produce section, I noticed that there is a whole display of organic fruit and veggies. I normally shop at a local small-town grocery store and if it carries organic products, they are few and far between.

I am so excited to go back.

How has the healthier eating been going? Well, I'm four days in, and so far, I do feel somewhat better since I've quit eating donuts for breakfast. I haven't had that daily sugar crash I usually get. I know I was eating because I liked the texture. I am no longer quite as ravenous during the day or in the late afternoon before dinnertime.

Now, if I could just find some time for some exercise...

I've been drinking more water, too. Who knows, I might be feeling better just from that alone.

Talking about food and stuff

Image via Wikipedia

Soooo. last night I was totally exhausted and didn't write. oops. back on the horse today. So far, I feel I've been doing well with my goals, especially with breaking the junk food habit. I used to have 2 donuts and a diet soda every morning for breakfast, and this is the second day without the donuts. :) not only am I cutting calories, I'm saving money too.

I find myself thinking about choosing better foods when I shop, and when I eat, I take smaller portions. I also chew my food more slowly and really try to enjoy what I'm eating, rather than scarfing down my food because I'm starving.

I've also been letting the daily grind roll off my back instead of wishing I was elsewhere, or wishing worse things because I am dissatisfied.

Even though this only day 3 of my New Year, New Me, I still feel motivated and ready to follow through.

I joined loseit.com, for accountability and motivation. I would like to get a Fitbit tracker, but I want to make sure I continue to stay motivated before spending that money. Maybe for my birthday in June. :)

2012: Year of Awesome

Image via Wikipedia

I am so glad 2011 is gone. It has been a challenging year. Once again, I was followed around by the black dog, and when I sat down to reflect on my accomplishments in 2011, I couldn't think of anything, other than work. And as we all know, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

As always, I have many resolutions and goals for the upcoming year. One of them is to pay more attention to my blog. :) A lot of my goals are the same as they have been for years: write more, spend more time doing creative things, lose weight.

So how did I do today, my first day of taking a new path? Well, it was hard. I could tell when I wanted to eat out of boredom. I didn't get enough water that I needed to drink today. But I did get through washing the laundry, and I cleaned up some trash in two different hotspots in the house. There are still many hotspots to clean, but I did get something done at least.

I am trying to stay positive and motivated. I have to fake it 'til I make it, because I absolutely cannot keep living this way. I will be 40 this year. I want to look back in December, and say yes, I did what I set out to do. I followed through. Following through is the hardest part.

New Shoes

This summer, when I slipped into my favorite pair of sandals, they fit like a glove, all broken in, the leather soft and supple from last summer's constant wearing. But the soles were cracked, and had started falling apart. I didn't want to give them up because they fit so well. So I've kept wearing them.

Sometimes, when I was out at the mall, I would stop in a shoe store and look at other sandals, even trying some on. I didn't like how the new shoes fit, however. They were too stiff, too hard. I would kick them off and put my old sandals on, going merrily on my way.

Similarly, my life has been like an old pair of sandals, much too comfortable and uninspiring, even when there is so much I want to do. I turned 38 this year, and wondered where my thirties have gone. How am I improved since I was 28? I swore I wasn't going to waste my thirties like I wasted my twenties, but here I am, still coasting, still drifting downstream. We all die eventually. Is this really how I want to remember my life?

Sure I have a great kid, a great husband, a great life with food on the table and a roof over my head, jobs, and two dogs, but I feel as if I have stopped growing as a person.

I am a lurker at metafilter, and this week on askmetafilter, libraryhead posted this question. It seemed to sum up all I have been feeling.

Living Divine in 2009!

Well, constant reader, another year has come and gone. Alas, I feel I don't have much to show for it.

"If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we are not really living."
—Gail Sheehy

Ain't that the truth?

So this year is going to be different. I know I've said that a thousand times before. But this time, change has to take place. I spent most of 2008 in a dark depressive funk, one in which I didn't think I'd be able to drag myself out of. I wasn't even looking forward to the holidays.


DD had to put up all the Christmas decorations (which we took down today, by the way). If it weren't for her, we probably wouldn't have decorated at all; possibly, we wouldn't have even had a Christmas.

But somehow, it all came together, in spite of my negativity.

So, you ask, what has changed me today as compared to yesterday?

Several things, most notably, I'm damn sick and tired of feeling mentally like shit and feeling like I can't do anything about it. Yesterday, as I reflected on 2008, I realized that yet another year had went by (in a blink), and I had nothing to show for it. I didn't go anywhere new; I didn't learn anything new (except knitting); and most of all, I am stuck in the same patterns of behavior—which lead nowhere except to the Well of Self-Pity.

I hardly journaled at all last year. So many days are lost because I didn't record them. I don't know how I fell out of the habit, but somehow I did, and that was not fun to realize. Keeping a journal is important to me, so that is one habit I will be taking back up this year in 2009.

Also, I plan to focus on my spirituality, spending more time in quiet contemplation, while living in the world. Being a kinder, less reactive person will be difficult for me to accomplish, but it will happen.

Getting our finances in order is my number one priority. DH & I plan to take a Financial Peace University class offered at the bank, and I think it will not only help our finances, but help our relationship as well.

This will be a year of change; I plan to keep a record here on this blog.

Today, I began by simply taking a walk around the neighborhood. It wasn't too cold. DD went with me. We had fun. The earth is in repose now, waiting patiently for spring. I feel that I've been waiting far too long for my own spring to come, but now, it's finally here.

Wish me luck.

Still Eating Christmas Candy

It's time to put away the decorations. It's time to clean up the wrapping paper and leftover boxes. It's time to find room for all the new toys and clothes. Out with the old and in with the new...
I wish it were that simple. Let's see, to start with, DD's room is a complete and utter disaster area. Tomorrow evening or this weekend, we will start by attacking her closet. Closet must be cleaned out so that stuff will fit inside. Then we'll attack her bedroom floor, and put away all the toys--we will also separate what she has outgrown or doesn't play with from what she does play with. I hope we can pare down the toys to one big Rubbermaid container.

Next, I have to do something with all the dolls I've been collecting lately. They are large and take up quite a bit of room. I basically just need to rearrange them.

We need to vacuum and dust the upstairs bedrooms and clean the bathroom.

Whew. I'm already exhausted, just from writing this down.

Maybe I should save some of that leftover candy as a reward. :)

Happy New Year!

"Re-Create in 2008!" is my goal for the year.

Although I did accomplish some things in 2007, I still managed to drift through the year. As I reflect on 2007, I wonder where the time went. What do I have to show for it?

I'll be 36 in June, and 35 hit me hard: where am I now and where am I going? Is this where I want to be? If I died right now, would I die happy? In some respects, yes, but in other respects, no.

So, as I come out of yet another depressive episode, I am going to make a conscious effort to turn my life in the direction I want it to go. What direction that is, I'm not quite sure yet, but to get there, I actually have to DO something, not just sit back and wait for it to happen to me. If I wait, life will just keep drifting by.

Here are the first ten goals I want to be sure to accomplish in 2008. [I also have started a list of 101 Things in 1001 Days (I actually started in 2006), but I still have to type up the whole list.]

Ten Goals I want to accomplish in 2008:

1. Write letters or send postcards to different friends monthly. (0x12)

2. BUY absolutely NO MORE books in 2008, until I have read my entire To-Be-Read pile, unless I get birthday or Christmas money. :)

3. Return library books on time to avoid fines.

4. FACE finances: quit impulse buying and frivolous spending.

5. Blog daily and journal daily. (1x366; 2008 is a leap year.)

6. Save $15 per week (1x52)

7. Organize two bedrooms, living room, dining room, and computer room by the end of Feb. 2008, or else pay DH $1 for everything not done. If I win, he will give me half his paycheck for two months. :)

8. Pay off new computer (which is still sitting in a box in the dining room).

9. Pay bills on time.

10. ????

Spring Cleaning

The mere amount of junk we have collected in a matter of the 8 years we have lived in our house is astonishing. (Of course, I had cluttered a two-bedroom apartment in a year, so why should I be surprised, right?)DD starts her spring break this Friday, and I told her that if she (along with our help) can get her room cleaned up and is able to keep it clean for one month, then we will redecorate her room. By "keep it clean," I mean for her to put her toys away when she's done playing with them. She is excited about the prospect, because it means that she can have a princess bedroom instead of a Noah's Ark bedroom (that was the baby theme).

But, I'm sure that she feels overwhelmed when she looks in her room because there is a tiny path from the doorway to the bed. I guess we should donate the toddler bed since she is in a full-size bed now, and her play tent should be taken down because she never plays in it. It's not as if we don't have places to put her toys. She has two big plastic tubs for toys, and several large boxes, and even a bookshelf for books, but things still end up scattered everywhere.

The clutter makes me crazy--so crazy that just thinking about it makes me frustrated. I am not a neat freak by any means, but everything has a place and everything in its place is all I ask. If you get it out, put it away!

Even with all these toys, she still tells me she has nothing to do. Yeah, right.

And let's not forget the whining that comes along with being asked to do a task. I guess I'm raising a procrastinator like myself. When I was growing up, my sisters and I were badgered into cleaning every weekend. I kept my room clean; that was expected, but it was all the other cleaning that I hated: wash the walls, dust the knickknacks, clean out the dishwasher, etc. etc. I hate chores to this day. But, rationally, I know that if I don't keep things clean, then the messes start to grow and grow AND GROW, to a tipping point.

And they're at that tipping point now. So, since DH understands how overwhelming the idea of cleaning is to me, he offered to help DD work on her room and also the other rooms of the house her stuff has overtaken. My main goal is to get her toys pared down to a manageable level, clear out her outgrown clothes, and have her keep her stuff in her room instead of all over the house. I think these goals should be do-able. Once it is clean, I plan to implement Flylady's methods so that good habits can be reinforced.

I myself am bad at doing things now. I put things off until I can't stand it anymore, which is a silly way to live. You never get anything done that way. Things sit and fester, which eventually get you to a point where your once-wonderful dream home feels like a prison. I've been reading a book called "Self-Coaching," in which the author speaks of each of us having choices. Strangely, I never though of life that way before.

Everything is a choice: I can put things off until I am upset and crazy, or I can do things now and then don't have to worry about them any longer. I can browbeat myself into the Well of Self-Pity or I can choose to think that this too, shall pass.

Anyway, it was a liberating idea.

Not only am I attempting to spring-clean the external, I am working on spring-cleaning the internal. This winter has been long for me. I charted 50+ days in January and February, and of those days, only I felt "ok" for only 20 of them, and it was a "blah" kind of ok. March has been better. I attempted some different ways of thinking: if I caught myself starting to listen to the endless "grass is greener" monologue, I immediately got up and did something or thought about something else instead. (Here is an excerpt from Barbara Ehrenreich's book on how the population has always struggled with depression. via metafilter)

Habits can be changed.



(I've been adding some stuff to this blog, like Amazon textlinks. Amazon tries to decipher keywords and phrases on the blog and then adds in the appropriate textlinks; however, some of them may be only tangentially related, and have no rhyme or reason.)